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דף הבית >> Relationship - not what you thought - proper disclosure 18.

Relationship - not what you thought - proper disclosure.

  Dr. Dalia Shahaf

It's a pity that after we have been evoking tremendous human efforts, rich workshops, and a real cultural revolution,  No one has told us the true truth that marriage was not meant for us.  The sly nature did not create couplings in his world in order to satisfy the desires of two adults who wish to enjoy the act of "uniqueness." Nature in his own way, tempts couples to stick to each other and succeed "and become one flesh ..." In Genesis 24 he leads them blind to  Mother Nature's goal is the mating that engenders our offspring.  This is where our journey begins, and if our parents and our parents' parents were to prepare for us - the generation that will replace us when the time comes.  Until two centuries ago, before liberalism and socialism came to an end, human civilization would become an act of nature, even after the failure of the agricultural revolution  Some 12,000 years ago, man's cooperation with nature continued to be expressed in the obligation to marry: a part of mankind who lived in difficult conditions for survival, had to be a couple and not allowed to have children, but in the framework of a marriage that had become a taboo that was carefully guarded by painful social sanctions.  And boycotts just to make a commitment to this relationship  Which in its Christian form is "until the death separates us", in order to increase the survival ability of "cubs" who, unlike other mammals, need long companionship and joint adoption by the extended family.  Life in the hamula helped raise children


The answer is different in many subjects, and this is not the place for the individual, and for our purposes we will relate only to the following three variables: 1. The size of the brain 2. The midwife 3. The grandparents The midwife The source of the midwife is the sin of eating a tree  "And sorrow is punished" in the sorrow of the children of the sons ... "Genesis 3: 16-19: The sorrow stems from the relationship between the size of the birth canal in the pelvis and the diameter of the newborn's skull, according to Dina Zafriri Two important evolutionary phenomena that accompanied the development of human water  One walking on two caused a significant narrowing of the pelvis to reduce the distance between the two legs: a large distance means walking  "Duck," whereas the increase in brain mass means a tumor in the diameter of the skull, which results in a very close proximity between the diameter of the birth canal and the radon diameter of the newborn, such close proximity requires a great effort at birth and increases the level of risk.  The birth of a midwife is the wisdom of "the man is permitted over the beast ..." and perhaps women are capable of bearing children alone, as they are forced to do in Somalia, which teaches about a great picture of women in childbirth and midwife  One of the functions that helped preserve mankind without which we were in the process of extinction.  The role of the midwife can be learned from the village of Ari de Lorca, which describes the miraculous birth of Jesus from the Hindu point of view.  He sees the speciality in the birth of Jesus not in the miraculous conception that she forged but in all her breasts she gave birth alone to her first birth without a midwife and that is actually the real wonder (Ari de Lorca 2006, in the mother's name, Israel Publishing: Hakibbutz Hameuchad.

Female-female without estrus

  Human partnership differs from animals in that the woman in contrast to animals lacks a period of estrus and neither she nor her surroundings know exactly when ovulation will guarantee pregnancy.  Therefore, the human couple must have sex all year, and frequently to achieve conception.  That is why mankind wastes endless physical and mental energies in having sex.  It also explains the great importance a person attaches to sexual ability.  In the past and today, sex is given divine power and holiness.  This situation is radically different from that of animals, which is seen as a temporary disturbance in the routine life cycle, and when it is over, life returns to normal.  It is important to emphasize that alongside the existence of proper relations for reproductive purposes, sexual relations exist as a means of controlling class inferiority.  This relationship is known in primates such as baboons and chimpanzees, and is recognized in human relationships in relation to the purposes of domination, and the status of the penetrating pro is superior to that which is penetrated into it.  Inferior to all of history How human relationships are not intended to satisfy one's identity One can learn from the way in which couples were created in the past, and also from the way we choose partners today, when the choice was dependent on the tradition and the laws of society.  Life, "was the one who chooses  Her husband is like an animal.  But this situation ended with the era of agriculture.  The age of agriculture necessitated a greater physical effort than the woman had, and made the man the provider of the woman and her offspring.  In order to win the man's economic favors, the woman became the protege or property of the man, because it required exclusivity on the offspring and refused to support offspring that were not his own.  Nature As a rule, very few males get sex.  Usually this right is reserved for the ruler only, because it is good for the offspring - nature.  The fact that the woman's ovulation period was hidden and without clear external signs caused the woman to be isolated in disgraceful conditions in her husband's home for fear that other males would pass her.  The severe human birth caused many women to die at birth and men made sure to carry more than one woman to ensure that there would always be one or more women who would take care of all the offspring (including those who were not).  In this way, the foundation was placed on the inferior status of the woman who had been preserved for many generations.  The spread of man into difficult areas of survival further increased the man's rights, among other things, to choose th women he wanted to supporte

Economics and love-variables to choose a partner.

  Agriculture was a human revolution that became a natural order.  In the female nature it is the woman who chooses the appropriate male for her offspring, and therefore the male is the one who embellishes her honor and struggles for her favors.  The woman is deprived of this right and is forced to adorn herself in order to upgrade her value in the eyes of the man to whom her father transfers her.  The transfer was and is usually due to economic considerations that were indirectly related to the offspring, but not always to their quality.  Since the disintegration of the feudal structure and the increasing awareness among all classes of their rights, the issue of the status of women has also risen to the public agenda.  Liberalism and Marxism placed women's liberation in the order of equal importance for the liberation of all enslaved classes, and was well-behaved and handsome.  In the last hundred and fifty years since Marx's Communist Manifesto, the woman slowly expanded her freedom to choose a mate, but the dominant variable that influenced her choice was still the male's financial ability, which was supposed to provide security for her and the offspring.  For a moment it seemed that the formula was found for a different relationship, and for a moment it seemed that "love" was meant for the couple themselves, regardless of the offspring defined as the villages of love  .  But the failure to hold on to this love has led researchers to explore it, and it turns out that, as Professor Robert Winston has shown, sexual attraction and infatuation that seem to be focused on the partner are covertly directed at finding the partner to complete the missing genes for us to give birth to a more perfect offspring.  Prof. Winston has shown that the choice is made with the sense of smell, and the selection of perfumes and deodorants is also directed at finding a partner that is genetically appropriate for us. * Nature can not be deceived because the perfume we choose is a smell that we and our partners can tolerate.  And pleasant perfume to one can constitute physical suffering after.  In other words, even when it seems to us that we fell in love with a partner that suits us, we actually chose a partner that would suit our children and not for us.  It is instructive to know that Judaism, which is considered the most difficult when it comes to marital disintegration, allowed for divorce when one of the parties claimed that the spouse's odor repelled him or caused him suffering.  It is interesting that nature is much more sophisticated when it comes to kissing - the symbol of love. Falling in love is nothing more than a genetic compatibility test.  The saliva and its flavor, its aroma are the way of nature and sort out who suits us.  And it's no secret that most of us can have a relationship with whom we can kiss.  (Ben David, Mishka, 2011) Life is love and death - a journey to crystallize philosophy according to science.  Interestingly, Judaism understood the great importance of smell in the creation of a relationship, an understanding that science reached only many years later.  If we thought that the traditional society interfered with the young couple's happiness by equipping them with economic considerations (even alliances between families were eventually created for economic purpose), science proved unequivocally that "free choice" was not intended to create a suitable relationship for the couple, More worthy offspring

did not ask this partner
This information is supposed to explain why every couple who hangs out in his marriage finds out who is faster and slower than all the expectations he has had of marriage / marriage, and does not materialize beyond what his parents and grandfathers realized.  Moreover, research shows that when a successful marriage is successful, the criterion for its success, according to Dr. Andre Bertels, is literally "blind love." The couple does not see each other as they are but rather imagines their partner as successful and much more beautiful because the focus  But the extinguishment of the judicial center can last for three years, after which most of the couples become sober to see their partner as they are, and the very few maintain this positive view for a long time, and this does not mean that couples do not want and are happy to continue their relationship.  The partner, along with his faults, and especially find it difficult to manage without him  They know that the chances of finding something better are analogous to the probability of winning Pace, which is precisely what nature wanted to produce, a pair that would stay together to care for the offspring.  The children are the reason for the divorce if the spouse is not competent  To care for or care for them properly, or because the expected gardens  Did not materialize.  Character, skin color, hair color, temperament floor, lack of skills, etc.  If the offspring inherited exactly the annoying and unwanted qualities in the eyes of one of the partners it gives the parent a sense of failure and disappointment from that partner who did not "deliver the goods."  Such a feeling can be learned from a mother's letter to her talented child who does not meet her expectations, and in her anger she throws the daughter's "failure" into the father's "failure." 
The letter is provided without  editing or correction of spelling errors
o.  B. 
I'm writing to you by email because I want to be precise and not get mad at you.  I want to write you and explain the place I've come to.  I think it's important that you know this because everything was around you.  Even if it hurts to read, you will know that this is where I am now, and as you know, I escape my truth and do not hide it even if it is not pleasant to recognize it.  So, yesterday evening after the short sms of x sent to me I realized that this, the year ended for me and ended in a huge failure.  Until this year everyone believed in you and everything around you was one of the best coaches in the country took you under his wing and we enter a new era.  So he did not.  !  Hours of investment in training, Olympic staff, psychologist, 
The result is a collapse of your body and mind and failure.  You probably are not built to be an actress, your head is unchangeable and your talent, just like that of your father,that will remain a nice legend and settle for being a "local heroine".  This year you did not actually take one step and even one small step!  There were three months you might have invested more, mainly you wanted to change but it held very little, the games did not come out and you could not get on the stage that pushed you under the feet and it "lead" your failed team.  You probably are not winking from the material of leaders, your willpower is very limited and your ambition is not very ambitious and talented - but talent alone is not enough because everything else does not allow you to break out.  By the way  just  like your father and the story follows:
Your father came to study biology out of great love and went out on his first degree as an outstanding graduate.  He went on to graduate school at the Volcani Institute, where he also excelled, so I suggested that he go to the Weizmann Institute of Science for the doctoral studies program, where the fall came.  Where he had to succeed among many very ambitious and well-ordered people.  So Dad is not really ambitious "flowing" and not really focused and sharp.  Gradually he got to the point where he was almost thrown out of the doctorate, and then he picked himself up and finished his doctorate and this time he did not really get the honors. I pushed him to go like all the successful postdoctoral fellows.  He did not make it through!  He survived (not all his fault was also a little unfortunate ....) But such unfortunate can happen when you are not walking the highway ... And then it was time to return to Israel - it was clear that in his scientific achievements he will not be able to reach any university, I understood it  And I changed the direction.  I knew that he loved-talking (me too), and I helped him decide to go to the Arava, and here he really succeeds and is very loved. I realized that it was better to be a "head for the foxes" than a "tail of the lions."  A very successful father here loves him. He is happy, but he really did not get to the place he was aiming for, or rather I aimedIt seems to me that this story is repeated with you, and I must have reached the point where you have to say for your mental health (and health) that you should be a "fox head" than a "tail of the lions."  Your head is really not meant to be the next "Doron shy." That was the direction when I decided to send you out of the house and dismantle my family package.  They did not stop talking about the "discovery." So I made a mistake, because I knew you, but I really understood what the basketball needed (here was my mistake that I did not make decisions based on deep knowledge).  It's been three years on this journey and yesterday I realized it was getting nowhere.  I understand you will not go home now. You can not pull yourself out of the environment you've built for yourself. Keep practicing (you love basketball), go on with your friends and studies there - returning you here will be a disaster for you and I understand that.  But I stayed with the bassa (which I would have to overcome, as I found the way to overcome it with Dad). I love you a lot because you are charming and understand that the experiment failed.  The problem is that we have established a great deal in your experiment. We lost and are still losing: a peaceful and reasonable life, you next to us, a lot of money and the stability that Grandma had in life (her home affair is still a big mystery to us).  So that's it, I'm going to lower gear and expect not to go crazy.  I'll continue to visit you in the middle and weekends because I love you and can not without you.  I will return to invest in my work and put it as a normal person puts it in high priority.  I will try to rehabilitate myself in the head and life a little more stages and I will accompany you with great love. I am not starting to go crazy with the team or with psychologists or with taxis for all kinds of Olympic frames and I will not look for another group and especially stop talking with your coaches.  Like a normal mother, like the mother who is a child.  A mother whose daughter just plays basketball because it is a beautiful frame and she enjoys it.  You see: First year you flew, you knew the system - okay.  Second year - moving apartment, acclimatization - rather relatively progressed nicely.  (Your own personal failures). If a coach is not happy with you (even those of the Olympic staff), a huge fall of your body and mind (the disease now). And all together  Bring her ob that started the year. You should have seen yesterday a failed team like the rope of the deer fighting for the descent, what a fight they gave and won !!!.  I looked at their conduct and told myself o.b.  You will never come up with such a spirit for a game. !!.  In conclusion: expect you to change but I know deep inside that you are hard and you are the child of the good life,and freedom .  I will begin to go through a process with myself and hope for the best.
I will meet at the end of the week. 
Love mother

A situation such as the one described in the letter to Eil, leads to dissatisfaction with marital life and disappointment that the partner did not provide the expected genes.  This situation will become more acute and with time there will be claims of personal and sexual neglect. Couples will not dare to blame the children for marital failure and will pass their dissatisfaction on their partner when they accuse each other of overprotective children or neglecting them.  Couples who stay together are no happier than their friends who "break apart" from the bond between them, but are satisfied with the offspring they brought to the world.  They are more satisfied with the parental functioning of their spouse, and they stay together because of the children.  That's what Nature wanted.  It is sad to recognize that the main damage caused by the breakdown of the family is the damage to children, even if they are over 40 years of age
A woman searches for a suitable partner for her offspring.  A man searches for a woman who will give him the lost Paradise that he experiences in his mother's warm lap.  One of the things most men do not forgive their wives is their attitude to them after the birth of their firstborn son.  A feeling that Jonathan Lennonbon described in his potry 
"my love." 
I sank  you and he  grew up in your midst
.  i went and stood so that
on the day of his birth he had captured your breasts
with a shriek. "I have sown you in joy
 and I have a tear in him,
and my father also shed tears on the day of my birth.
And I did not know that my day also will come 
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